unfuckwithable.ca

I had planned to stay in New Orleans and continue my work at UNO, because it’s pretty clear I love the city of New Orleans.  It’s not a perfect city, but it’s a great city.  Contingent on that was staying on at UNO.  Everything was going smoothly until I got sick a few years ago, got better, and then right as I planned to return, got sick again.  I contacted the proper departments and went through the proper channels to request appropriate accommodation under federal law.  The university not only denied everything, but also retaliated for even considering asking for simple things like civil rights.

So I contacted a lawyer for the federal government to investigate the university.  She did, and to her credit, she did a good job.  Once the investigation started, the tone changed, and as long as I submitted every medical record for non-medical people I don’t even know to pour over (the paper-equivalent of being raped, according to my psychologist and neurologist), everything would be cool and I would be back.  I even had to attend a meeting where I was asked detailed questions about everything medically in my life.  Then some department head decided, arbitrarily and without reason, to deny me again.  And even though I have all the evidence (probably shouldn’t have emails and voice recordings lying around) to prove violations of federal law, they still won’t budge.  The federal attorney can’t do anything more for me, so I basically have to drop this because dealing with disabilities and illness is an inconvenience for the United States government.  I lose, and some department head wins.

Even worse, I had to write a long letter explaining why I was pursuing this through formal, legal channels.  I had to dance around the fact that hey, there’s a pretty good chance that I will die - either in several months or in several years.  In the interim, I get to experience excruciating pain on a constant basis, I get to feel my body parts begin to fail, and I get to spend the small amount of money I have on medical bills, treatments and medications.  I’m getting my ass kicked here, by life and by a university administration that doesn’t have any compassion or regard for the law.  They win and I die.  Congratulations, UNO.

I’m too exhausted and in too much pain to continue this fight, even though it hurts so much inside to give up on my principles of social justice and equality for all.  I’ve completely lost faith in the State of Louisiana, New Orleans, and even a little bit in the federal government.  It’s clear that nobody cares - I get that feeling every day just by going through my daily routine.  I experience the discrimination and I feel the humiliation of my body shutting down on me.  And I’ve accepted the fact that my life expectancy is a hell of a lot shorter than everyone else’s gets to be.  Do I want special treatment?  No, I just want the same treatment and considerations that everyone else should receive.

It’s situations like these that make me want to give it all up, go somewhere alone and just die.  It doesn’t seem worth it if this is what I have to deal with on top of everything else.

I hope you’re happy with yourself, University of New Orleans.  Because I feel less than worthless, mostly because of you.

annicka:

i know it doesn’t matter 

but what really bothers me about this whole post-it thing

is that it represents the organization’s unwillingness to explore tumblr’s potential 

i love tumblr so much. so much. it is one of the most important things in my life. no joke.

it has given birth to some totally unique interactions and behaviors over the past five years

but what has tumblr actually done to encourage that growth?

or even provide a basic search function so that researchers like me can begin to understand the breadth of these new behaviors and communities?

to me, that’s a total waste!

that’s a total waste of five years worth of data that now represents a gigantic black hole of understanding 

it’s really a bummer to watch them (tumblr leadership?) willfully deny the opportunity that it holds in terms of both development and research

being an effective and engaged tumblr user is basically to be a fish swimming upstream against all of the inefficiencies and psychodrama either ignored or created by the staff

No, annicka, it does matter, and you’re right about everything.  Some of these ideas to make money (which Tumblr obviously needs to figure out how to do before this becomes a glorified Pets.com blog…or MySpace) are really gimmicky and don’t take into account of the super limited attention span of most of the Tumblr user base, not just the OG or the heavy users.  The only pay feature I ever used was when you could buy a directory ad for a few bucks, because it got me exposure/page views/followers when I wanted them.  It fulfilled a need I had, it was cheap, and it was well worth the money spent per follower or whatever metric I was using then.

I’d like to see more interaction and to make it more of a community, which to the staff’s credit, they’ve been moving towards.  I follow a ton of people, a ton of people follow me, but there’s a core group of people that I either already interact with through here, or via Facebook/IM/email.  It would be interesting to see some kind of feature working that in - I really don’t know how to describe what I’m thinking of here.

I’d be more than happy to pay $10 a month or so for an advanced Tumblr experience: better uptime, more (useful) features, the ability to upload more than one mp3 per day, etc.  I already pay hosting fees for server space and I have to use that if I want to add more media or perform functions that Tumblr can’t handle.  Yes, I love it’s simplicity.  But an advanced version with lots of tools and gadgets would be nice too.  Believe it or not, some of us on here are good at the internet.

Innovate correctly, or die.

I’ve forgotten what winter in Florida is like.  Unloading my moving van by myself - including heavy boxes and solid wood furniture - was like working in hell.  I went through three t-shirts soaked in sweat and despite a ton of deodorant, they reeked of the worst body sweat odor I’ve ever personally experienced.  I think a double washing and lots of dryer sheets are in order later on today.  But I finally finished unloading to my garage, where most of my boxes and heavy furniture will remain because…

Later on today I’m completing my first assignment (since returning) for Radio-Canada down here.  I’m still up writing and doing research on my subject, in case you were wondering.  I totally forgot that the Eastern Time Zone can be a real bitch when collaborating with colleagues (or people you just really want to talk to) in, say, Vancouver.

Seeing my world-renowned neurologist on Monday and I’m hoping to get some pain control, but I doubt I’ll be that lucky.  I’ll also get the latest MRI and CT scan results and see how my treatment has progressed.  Taking a wild stab in the dark based on how I feel, I’m not optimistic.  (Too bad Florida is an uber-conservative state that bans medicinal cannabis.  You’d think I’d get a fucking break eh?)  I also need to move my appointment with my therapist up from the end of the month in case I really am moving in a few weeks.

Apparently I was still able to keep my affiliations with George Mason University and the Université de Montréal, which I was sure I was going to have to resign from.  More reading civil and international law and more contributing to French Canadian political philosophy.  The latter is extremely fascinating to me right now; I’m reading several books on the various schools of thought (especially the Laval School) leading up to the Quiet Revolution and into our sorry excuse for functional politics.  The emerging liberalism of the late 1950s has some scary parallels to the state of affairs currently going on in Québec, and to a lesser extent, Montréal.  It’s really helping with my political reporting, especially from an outside view into Québec and Canada.

I’ll admit, it’s lonely down here.  I suppose that’s good for getting work done and some semblance of my life in order, and also terrible for my emotional state.  That’s something I’ll definitely have to deal with as soon as possible.

I’m not sure there was a real point to this post, other than a “feelings” dump.  Truth be told, I’m hold back a ton because I think a lot of my negativity is coming from all of this stress, anxiety and physical pain I’m in.  Most of the anxiety is not knowing for sure what’s going to happen in the next month or two, some of it is dealing with this new housing situation, and some is from having to delicately balance my current work as a journalist for the CBC and as someone who’s working in a much more intensely serious world in the United States; there are regulations and laws I have to follow strictly to the letter.  It’s almost like leading a dual life, except today I’m just a political/foreign corespondent for Radio-Canada and living life like a 29 year old bachelor with a potentially terminal illness.  Translation: Every day is insane, nothing is ever normal, always expect the worst, be surprised when the best outcome happens.

And with that, I’m letting the Soma and Stella Artois kick in while I turn my air conditioner down to 66ºF.  I at least want some rest; 12 straight hours would be optimal, but impossible.  A guy can dream though, right?

sarah-is:

All five of my profs referenced both Engels and “The Wire” in their lectures today.

LIVING THE DREAM.

“In summary: Mitt Romney won the most votes and all the delegates, Newt Gingrich is going to (maybe literally) set his political party on fire and burn it to the ground to win the nomination (he won’t), so the real winner of the primary was President Obama.”

dearcoketalk:

It’s clear from your blogs that you don’t like Scientology. Why? As someone with a family friend who is a Scientologist, I’ve stood my ground with anyone who’s questioned this as a lifestyle or religion and said people are free to practice what they will. Granted, it might have some “crazy” beliefs, but no crazier than other, more popular religions. And yes, there might have been some coercion, misuse of power, intimidation, etc, but, as I said, no worse than other religions. I respect you and your opinions so I’d love to hear what you have to say on the matter.

Yes, by all means, stand your ground for people’s freedom to be gullible idiots. Use faulty logic to defend ridiculous and damaging belief systems because your family happens to be friends with a cult member.

Keep fighting the good fight. The world needs more religious apologists to spread ignorance on the backs of their own principles.

Thanks coketalk.  This line of thinking is how I deal with my stepfather; it’s a crucial life skill.